My debit card. I don’t even want to tell you how reliant I am on that thing. One day a few years back I couldn’t find my card anywhere. I looked for it all day. Even by the next morning, still no trace. I searched high and low, near and far. I even searched under the sofa cushions. That was a little scary. I found 37 cents, three marbles, a T shirt (how had we ignored that lump?), seven M & M’s, my favorite sunglasses, and the TV remote (hey, we’d been looking for that). But no … [Read more...]

When people are working really hard to make a solid argument on an issue they’re passionate about, it’s easy to get frustrated. I still advise against trying to turn the argument around with “I’m rubber and you’re glue.” “Says you” doesn’t really do much for a person’s believability either. And anytime I’m trying to defuse a heated discussion, I try to remember that “I know you are but what am I” is not the best way to go either. Also, if I went with “takes one to know one,” wouldn’t I be … [Read more...]

I confess it. My jar-opening skills are abysmal. Even with those flappy rubber jar grippers. Even with those wrench-looking jaws of life things they make for jars. Jars of life? But in my defense, the chief reason I have no jar-opening skills is that I married an A-number-one jar opener. Without Richie Rhea, I would be in a real pickle, jar-wise. Not necessarily a pickle jar. But a pickle. Jar-wise. I also have to confess that sometimes I can get myself in a real pickle on the spiritual … [Read more...]

I love “warm and fuzzy.” Give me all the warmth and all the fuzziest of the fuzzies and I’m usually quite happy. Unless. Unless we’re talking about my fridge. It should never be warm and I’m good with that part. But more than that, who put all this fuzzy in here? It feels like I can hardly go a day and half without opening my refrigerator and encountering some kind of green glow. Encountering? Maybe more like Geiger-counter-ing. Because surely there’s something nuclear happening in … [Read more...]

Homeschooling? I’ve got your math covered for you. Here’s your word problem for the day: If Johnny has 12 mega TP rolls that he adds to Junie’s 42 double-plus rolls and Anne’s 24 super mega triple rolls, how many people are wondering what ever happened to a regular roll? TP math is hard. It’s hard even before you factor double ply versus single ply into the equation. Also you should never factor that into the equation. Because, let’s think about this—is single ply a thing that should … [Read more...]

I was just thinking about a time someone gave me a big box of chocolates. It was a few years ago but I still remember how excited I was. It was one of those boxes with the diagram inside the lid. Diagram. Treasure map. Samesies to me. Because: chocolate. But something awful happened the next day. I got sidetracked and forgot to take the box out of the car. In the summer. A few hours in my oven-car and instead of a box of chocolates, I ended up with one big, sort of un-shaped, chocolate … [Read more...]

I always keep dried fruit in my desk drawer so I’ll have a healthy snack handy when I’m working. Except those dried fruits are so dry that all that’s left is these nacho cheesy Doritos. Also, I sometimes buy my dried fruit on the potato chip aisle. Somehow it makes it an even sadder snack situation when I reach for my “fruit” and all I find in the bottom of the Dorito bag is a bunch of orange powder. I hate that. Some people would suggest that whenever that happens, I would do well to take … [Read more...]

Ever get to that “I need to peel a roll of cookie dough and eat it like a banana” state of stressed? Cookie dough. So good, but so bad. But I’m talking about a shaky-hand kind of stress that goes beyond even the “I have to pour liquid into a small-necked container” level of stress. I confess, I can be bad at guessing the timing of rest—and how much I need it. I usually under-rest-imate. So I want you to know, I get it. I live mostly in an “immediately if not sooner” life space. It’s a … [Read more...]