A gift bag full of gift bags. I have that. A Walmart bag full of Walmart bags. Got that too. That extra big tote bag in my closet? Do I even need to tell you that I filled it with a bunch more tote bags? I’m kind of a bag lady. This is anything but a bag-brag, because I do understand that when it comes to storage, what I really probably need is a better bag of tricks. I would say I don’t want to be left holding the bag, but it seems I kind of do. And I’m going to put other bags in that … [Read more...]

You better not pout, I’m telling you why. Because somebody will snap a pic and post it on social media and you’ll have to live with that face forever. And ever. That’s why I try not to show my seasonal angst. And still…every time. Every time I look awful, I run into my most together friend. HER. That altogether all together friend. I try not to let it, but it surely can make me cranky. And angsty. Crangsty. One time when I looked my absolute worst, I saw HER at Target. Her hair was … [Read more...]

Hear me out. A blanket fort. Only instead of blankets, puff pastry. Slumber party—and in the morning? Turnovers! I’d work on that fort. I came up with this idea while pondering whether there is anything in the world that would not be better with puff pastry on top of it. Or under it. Or wrapped all around it. Turnovers have to be the best puff pastry application ever. A turnover is like a pie…that you don’t have to share. All wrapped up in flakey layers. How brilliant. Incidentally, I can … [Read more...]

What do we even call it? Traffic circle? Roundabout? Rotary? Road circle? Rotunda? Road-tunda? OK yeah, I made up that last one. The other day I got a little trapped in one of those whatchamacallits. While I say “one,” it was really more like a dozen. One traffic circle took me straight into another traffic circle, then smack-dab into another. Circles on circles on circles. When I finally made it out, I forgot where I was going. Plus I was dizzy. And slightly out of merry. Have you ever … [Read more...]

My debit card. I don’t even want to tell you how reliant I am on that thing. One day a few years back I couldn’t find my card anywhere. I looked for it all day. Even by the next morning, still no trace. I searched high and low, near and far. I even searched under the sofa cushions. That was a little scary. I found 37 cents, three marbles, a T shirt (how had we ignored that lump?), seven M & M’s, my favorite sunglasses, and the TV remote (hey, we’d been looking for that). But no … [Read more...]

When people are working really hard to make a solid argument on an issue they’re passionate about, it’s easy to get frustrated. I still advise against trying to turn the argument around with “I’m rubber and you’re glue.” “Says you” doesn’t really do much for a person’s believability either. And anytime I’m trying to defuse a heated discussion, I try to remember that “I know you are but what am I” is not the best way to go either. Also, if I went with “takes one to know one,” wouldn’t I be … [Read more...]

I confess it. My jar-opening skills are abysmal. Even with those flappy rubber jar grippers. Even with those wrench-looking jaws of life things they make for jars. Jars of life? But in my defense, the chief reason I have no jar-opening skills is that I married an A-number-one jar opener. Without Richie Rhea, I would be in a real pickle, jar-wise. Not necessarily a pickle jar. But a pickle. Jar-wise. I also have to confess that sometimes I can get myself in a real pickle on the spiritual … [Read more...]

I love “warm and fuzzy.” Give me all the warmth and all the fuzziest of the fuzzies and I’m usually quite happy. Unless. Unless we’re talking about my fridge. It should never be warm and I’m good with that part. But more than that, who put all this fuzzy in here? It feels like I can hardly go a day and half without opening my refrigerator and encountering some kind of green glow. Encountering? Maybe more like Geiger-counter-ing. Because surely there’s something nuclear happening in … [Read more...]

Homeschooling? I’ve got your math covered for you. Here’s your word problem for the day: If Johnny has 12 mega TP rolls that he adds to Junie’s 42 double-plus rolls and Anne’s 24 super mega triple rolls, how many people are wondering what ever happened to a regular roll? TP math is hard. It’s hard even before you factor double ply versus single ply into the equation. Also you should never factor that into the equation. Because, let’s think about this—is single ply a thing that should … [Read more...]