I was chatting with a friend who was fretting over all the stress at Thanksgiving. I said something like, “At least you’ll have that big family get-together.” Then she told me that was the reason she was stressing. She popped a couple of Tums as she told me about her Uncle Bob. She said she had to fight rather felonious thoughts related to the man. In the course of our conversation, I told her several times, “Yes, it would be that bad to set fire to your uncle’s barn.” And “No, it doesn’t matter that it’s a very old barn.” And “No, it’s going to be another ‘no’ on keying his car.”
A lot of us have an Uncle-Bob-type relative. He’s known for telling bad jokes and keeping his turkey-eating teeth in his wife’s purse. He laughs hysterically as he tells the family (yet again) that one, especially stupid thing you did when you were a kid. There’s no doubt in your mind that there will still be noogies with your name on them. Even though you’re over 30. And whatever you do, never, never pull his finger.
Some of us have relatives who aren’t just annoying. They’re on the offensive. They might use the guilt weapon or maybe they harshly disapprove of whatever we’re excited about at the moment. Maybe it’s a problem with explosive anger. Some are real rascals who seem bent on offending. What’s a nonviolent, non-noogie-lover to do?
The annoyances? We can rise above little annoyances in the power of Christ. The real grievances? We’re called to forgive. Paul says we should accept one another, “forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive,” (Col 3:13).
Forgiving doesn’t mean that we’re saying what the person did was okay. It means we’re choosing not to hold it against him. We’re choosing not to become bitter. Unforgiveness destroys joy.
Have you ever sensed that happiness was just beyond your reach but you couldn’t quite put your finger on why? Bitterness puts a dark cloud over every celebration. On top of that, it can unexpectedly explode out of our lives in all kinds of surprising directions.
Is there a negative mother-in-law who seems determined to slice and dice you at every gathering? Forgive her. A grandfather who insults and wounds? Forgive. You can refuse to allow them to steal your joy. Bitterness is a prison we inflict on ourselves. But when we choose to forgive, we free ourselves from that prison. Then if there’s a need to confront, we can confront in love and mercy, with reconciliation as the goal.
If you’re struggling with a difficult family member, remind yourself a few extra times that even if that challenging family member may not appreciate you, God loves you dearly. His love is bigger than their offenses. Focus on God’s over-the-top love. Stay on guard for bitterness and you’ll be guarding your joy.
And anytime you’re considering something felonious, keep this in mind: To err is human. To forgive can keep you out of jail.