“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” – Matthew 5:29 (NKJV)
How do we feel when we see someone who is mentally or physically challenged? Is our first feeling one of pity? What does our pity do to help the individual? There are many parents wondering, “Why me?” “Why did God give me this child to raise? Is He punishing me for something I did or didn’t do?”
We need to remember that we often tend to see things differently from God. We are told that children are a gift from God, yet there are many parents who may question the gift they received. “Why is it that my child has this impediment?” God chooses the people He knows are capable of parenting a special needs child to raise them.
I have noticed that pitying a special needs child is not the answer. Everyone likes to receive praise. With all children, honest praise helps in coping with life. It is harmful to pity a child because it tends to motivate us to coddle them and let them get by with doing things they shouldn’t. My husband and I dealt with this while working on the Navajo reservation. I had a nine-year-old boy who was enrolled in the dormitory I supervised at the government school. Dale had been sent to Phoenix to have surgery on both ears because he was deaf. The surgeries had worked, but Dale had a bigger problem. Every time I asked him to do something, the answer was “No, Lamb!” When the children walked to the cafeteria, Dale would meander from side to side, not staying in line. When It came time to go to bed, the reaction was, “No, Lamb!” He refused to do anything he was told to do. It was obvious that he had been pitied in the hospital and not required to follow rules. Their well-meaning pity had caused him much harm.
It took us much effort to get Dale to learn to obey. I stayed late one evening in my office to work with him. When he obeyed a command, I talked to him and let him go to bed. He gave us no more trouble. I could have pitied him and let him get by with his rude behavior. That would have been the wrong choice.
Not all children will respond the same way. However, everyone likes the feeling of having done the right thing. As much as possible, challenged children should learn to do something well, no matter how small, for which they can be honestly praised and not pitied. We need to remember, also, that God does not choose what we consider the “perfect” to go to heaven. As the verse above indicates, God looks at the heart, not body perfection.