JEFFERSON CITY – “I don’t think I can live a gay life anymore.”
Every June, our culture celebrates Pride Month, an entire month dedicated to affirming sin. As our culture propagates LGBTQ stories, Christians should be encouraged that God is still in the business of graciously bringing people out of darkness and into his glorious light.
Kayla Walsh grew up in St. Louis in a Southern Baptist church. She had a typical church experience – she attended her church’s Vacation Bible School, went to youth camps, attended mission trips, and even sang in the church’s youth choir.
Kayla Walsh
“Christianity has always been in my life,” explained Kayla. “I grew up in church and was in church even in my mother’s womb. It was one of those things that I thought I would live my life a certain way because I was a Christian.”
Yet, as she grew older, Kayla experienced some significant trials and progressively distanced herself from Christianity. Before long, she began living a homosexual lifestyle and eventually married a woman. For some years Kayla lived an LGBTQ lifestyle but could never shake the doubt and conviction that she wasn’t living right.
“This year, there was such an overwhelming anxiety that I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Kayla describes that “God would be sending me dreams, and it would almost be flashbacks of what my life could have been and what my life could be if I wasn’t in my current marriage.”
Coming under conviction from the Holy Spirit, Kayla couldn’t run from the Lord anymore. As she cried out to the Lord for help, the Lord heard her cries and answered her.
Kayla describes the moment of turning back to the Lord as a painful experience that nearly broke her. “Everything inside made me feel like I was breaking. I [couldn’t] live a gay life anymore. It felt like the chains of my heart snapped. Grace fell over me like a blanket. [When] the chains broke in my heart, [it] took me to my knees and I bawled. It hurt so badly, but I realized I either had to choose Hell by continuing to live that life or turning away and choosing God. It was the hardest choice. It was an overwhelming experience, and as soon as I let the LGBTQ life go, it was like a switch flipped. I went from feeling anxious and depressed, to being in the light—almost like a bird escaping from a cage.”
As Kayla opened her Bible for the first time in years, God led her eyes to Isaiah 30:21, “This is the way you should go.” It was as though the Lord was speaking directly to Kayla, leading her in the straight path back to him. She also began reading Jackie Hill Perry’s book, Gay Girl, Good God, a gift from her loving mother, who had continued to pray for Kayla all those years. As Kayla resonated with Perry’s story, she began to feel hope that she could truly change.
Though Kayla’s road back to the Lord hasn’t been easy, she doesn’t want to return to her former life. Not only has she noticed a difference in her perspective and demeanor, but those around her have noticed a change as well. “I feel mostly peace. A lot of people have noticed that I smile a lot more, I’m out of my shell. But peace is the biggest thing.”
When asked what Pride month means to her now, Kayla explained that she never felt like she fit in with the LGBTQ community. “Pride has always been weird. Pride is about who I am as a gay person, but I wasn’t proud of being gay. I changed my outer appearance to try and fit into that community, but it didn’t make me proud.” Rather than feeling pride in a sinful lifestyle, Kayla now feels pride in God’s love for her. Her hope is now in Jesus alone.
Since turning away from homosexuality, Kayla has been rejected by the LGBTQ community. “Some in that community have gone against me and rejected me. I didn’t want to be trapped in a box anymore. I was trapped by those chains. That community won’t understand unless things change in their hearts. The rainbow wasn’t meant to be pride but a promise from God. God is still there and still loves me through all that sin.”
When asked what she would say to someone still in the LGBTQ community, Kayla urges, “If there’s even a slight doubt in your mind that you’re doing something wrong—anything in you—know that it’s not nothing. It really is the Holy Spirit attempting to get you. If there’s any ounce of doubt and conviction within you, then know He’s there. You just must be ready to accept it.”
Knowing that Kayla had Christian family and friends who continued to love and pray for her, Kayla encourages Christians to not give up on their LGBTQ loved ones. While she admits most in the LGBTQ community are not interested in hearing Scripture, she said little reminders of love and encouragement can go a long way.
“Don’t give up, continue praying, and do random check-ins. God can make little things into big things.”
In a culture where sin is celebrated and all appears lost, God graciously continues to change people’s lives. Kayla’s life is living proof that God still answers prayers, that people can truly change, and that God is still in the business of performing miracles. Freedom from all sin and lifestyles is still found in Jesus Christ, the One who promises, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free,” (John 8:31-32).