“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. – Colossians 3:18,19
When my husband and I were first married, I told him that I did not want to be in first place in his life. What I preferred was to have him always put God in first place, then I would know that I would always be in second place. God plans everything perfectly, if we would only follow His ways!
Many would argue that women should not have to submit to husbands. The Scripture says, “as is fitting in the Lord”. There are many times that husbands are wrong, but there are also many times that wives are wrong! We need to help each other, but someone has to have the final word. That should be dad. Someone once said that man is the head of the house but woman is the neck that turns the head!
When roles are not clear, children become confused as to the one in charge. Should I do what mom says, or should I do what dad says? If it is understood that dad is head of the house, the children will know who to obey when both mom and dad are present.
But what if dad is an alcoholic, drug addict, cruel, lazy, won’t even try, etc.? Truthfully, we have much of that happening in our country, and that causes so much of the confusion that is resulting in so many shootings, crime, etc. In these cases, is mom still supposed to submit to her husband?
If children or mom are being abused, perhaps separation is the answer. The couple can separate for safety reasons with the possibility of the couple getting back together if the situation improves enough or is corrected. Divorce often creates problems rather than settling them, but each situation is different. I am inclined to think that in some cases, men become exasperated and won’t do fatherly duties because the wife is too critical of him. “I’ll just leave it up to her and let her do it her way!” he thinks. Then, he backs out of his responsibility. After all, fish don’t argue if he goes fishing. He thinks, “If I watch football on TV, I can give all the advice I want and no one will argue with me!”
Mom, what can you do? Look for opportunities to compliment your husband. That builds up his confidence and takes away the fear of displeasing you. Don’t be too critical. You make mistakes, too! If possible, attend training sessions together on raising children. Talk about ways to correct problems. It seems to me that many parents tend to think that spanking a child is always the answer. Most children will need a few spankings, but spankings correct for the moment, convincing a child of the reasons for certain behavior lasts a lifetime! A spanked child often repeats the action but becomes skillful in not getting caught!
Finding common ground is not easy, but it can be done!