As a bright-eyed 19-year-old college student, I immediately found a church to get involved in within my new college town. However, when I applied for a position at this church, I had no idea there was a history of high turnover that had become a regular part of this inner-city church. I also didn’t know the church had a reputation for being a spiritually abusive church, primarily through the leader’s manipulative control tactics. What made the situation more difficult was the pastor was well-known in the area and couldn’t be questioned.
“The best thing you can do, Jonathan, is leave. It is hard for a leader to change after decades of ministry. You don’t have much hope,” said a church consultant who worked within our denomination. My wife and I prayed fervently for years and decided it was time for us to look elsewhere.
Now that I have been out of that toxic environment for several years, the red flags seem more obvious. However, they aren’t always clear until you move deeper into the life of a church, and sometimes it feels too late to turn around.
I told myself repeatedly, Ministry is difficult, and I need to put up with this bullying pastor.
However, after six years of ministry with this church leadership, I left. Now, I realize how much legalism and spiritual abuse had wrapped their fingers around my faith. After a few years of intensive counseling, I again tasted the freedom we have in Christ.
I am still discovering how my view of God, myself, and the Bible were tainted by this toxic leader, but here are three takeaways from this painful experience.
1. Trust in the sovereignty of God.
God is sovereign over the world, and everything that happens in it (Ps 135:6). He is never helpless, never frustrated, and never at a loss. There are no limits to God’s rule. This is part of what it means to be God. This reality should give us hope for it declares to us that God is bigger than whatever we face.
You can trust in a sovereign God who also bleeds for you.
Take heart, friend. Be encouraged. The struggle you’re facing, God can handle it. Place your faith in the Creator of all things, who sustains us by His irresistible grace.
2. It’s OK to hurt.
Don’t suppress those emotions God has given you, especially during painful times. God wants you to be honest and real with Him and those safe people in your life. He gave you these emotions. Holding back your emotions could create internal havoc or cause an emotional eruption at some point.
When we go through difficult seasons, this suffering allows us to turn our eyes away from the things of the earth and to turn our eyes to the Creator who sustains all things by His Word.
Christ uses our suffering to display His glory.
However, don’t let bitterness be a hindrance to the work the Lord is doing in you and through you within His local church.
3. Love God and love people even when you don’t feel like it.
We’re called to love people – even those who may have hurt us. Yes, with the understanding that the ways these leaders are leading may not be biblical. Potentially, leadership focused on power has toxic roots.
However, God created them in His image and loves them deeply and sent Jesus to die for them.
“Whatever that person may be like, we must still love them because we love God,” John Calvin said.
Start praying for the person you struggle to forgive. Start blessing the person that makes you bitter.
You will soon discover; God will transform your heart and even the hearts of those around you that He has placed in your life.