BSU leader works past homosexual desires to find tranquility, identity in a merciful God
By Allen Palmeri
May 25, 2004
WARRENSBURG – One of the better Baptist Student Union (BSU) leaders on a Missouri university campus has struggled with homosexual desires and is planning to write an article this fall in the campus student newspaper testifying about how God defines one’s identity, according to the BSU staff member who oversees him.
Brett Frazer, a fifth-year senior at Central Missouri State University, helps coordinate music for weekly BSU meetings, BSU Director Jason Allen said. In going public with his struggle, Frazer hopes to minister to other young Christian men who are battling similar thoughts and desires.
“I grew up in a home where we went to church every Sunday,” Frazer said. “I knew that these ‘gay’ thoughts I had were not accepted. That scared me. I never told anyone and even refused to believe I had them. I thought that I would grow out of them.”
While many Christians may assume that young men like Frazer just need to mature and never give in to their homosexual feelings, it does not change the fact that some young people on college campuses across the state are struggling with their sexual identity, Allen said.
“This is a valuable story because Brett has experienced a life of confusion and frustration, and in that has found the beauty of how God has set things up,” Allen said. “He’s found what it truly means to be human in Jesus. That’s helped him through this confusion and has transformed his life. He has a unique opportunity to share the love of Jesus with those who are confused and hurting.
“It’s also valuable for those of us who haven’t struggled with homosexual thoughts or desires, to see what it’s like. Homosexuality is more than just an ideology to combat and condemn. There are real people involved with real hurts, real longings, real desires, real confusion, and this helps us to empathize.”
Frazer said he grew up spending most of his time with his mother. He enjoyed playing the piano and baking muffins, “but when I played at the houses of other boys they never wanted to do those things. They wanted to climb on big hay bales and jump off trees.”
Around age 12, when puberty kicked in, his friends became interested in girls but he never did. He found himself looking at boys and wondering why he would rather look at them than at women in catalogues like the other boys were doing. Not surprisingly, his relationship with his father was poor.
“I never wanted to do anything with my dad,” he said. “I feared him. Better not to be around him than for him to be angry.”
He worked for his father in high school and thought he could never please him. He confused his father by never going to dances or dating. He felt he angered his father, too, by quitting the basketball team.
“I thought I could never please him,” Frazer said.
His older brother introduced him to some friends from the Central Missouri State BSU. Frazer joined a Life Group and began to build Christian friendships. Early on a leader spoke about how he regretted having sex in high school. That made an impression on the young Frazer.
“He said it was good to confess to one another and that he would like for us to do the same,” Frazer said. “I don’t remember if anyone else spoke, but I do remember being taken aback by my leader’s honesty.”
Soon after that, Frazer met his first male best friend, who happened to be the campus BSU director at the time, Jason Bryan. Through many shared experiences, the topic got around to Frazer’s interest in girls. That led to him writing a six-page letter to his new friend where he detailed his struggles. The letter was well received and the friendship grew.
Now, as a respected BSU leader on campus, Frazer said he has flatly rejected the homosexual lifestyle and the agenda that goes with it, particularly when it comes to how manhood and womanhood are defined.
“I never really wanted it,” he said. “It seems a denial of healthy humanity.”
Students who “cut and paste” Scriptures to promote a homosexual lifestyle on the CMSU campus helped prompt Frazer to tell his story. Allen described Frazer as “a devoted follower of Jesus who loves Christ and longs for people to follow Him.” As such, he wants his fellow students to know how to experience the life God has always intended through Jesus.
“I’ve read the ways in which the Bible condemns the homosexual lifestyle,” Frazer said. “I’ve learned that all the longings and desires that frightened me pale in comparison to the promises of Jesus Christ.
“I’ve read the support the Bible gives for a man to leave his family and join with his wife. I believe that God created relationships and life this way because it is the most beautiful way to live. I want to face my immaturities and move forward in the life that Jesus Christ boldly gave to me. He tells me to live it fully and I believe that I can achieve that under the mastership of Him.”
Bryan, the former BSU director on campus who helped Frazer sort through his pain, is hopeful that by coming out with his struggle, Frazer will advance the kingdom of Christ.
“There seems to be so much confusion on homosexuality, both outside and inside our churches,” Bryan said. “Brett’s search for his sexuality has been the toughest thing he’s ever faced, but he’s finding great strength knowing God. His identity in Christ has been the path that is leading to healing. As more and more people learn about his struggle, he continues to find people respect him as the godly young man they’ve always known him to be in our community.”