Not going to lie, I like shopping. A lot. There’s a real charge in the thrill of the hunt for that illusive bargain. Okay, I’ll admit I laughed at myself when I said there’s a real “charge” there. Shopping humor. The kind of humor my husband might not find as entertaining as I do. Because he pays the bills, yes, but also because he despises shopping. De-SPIZE-es it. He once told me he’s pretty convinced that every time he goes shopping, it actually takes years off his life. He said he … [Read more...]
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Take courage by the load
Sort it. Wash it. Fold it. Hang it. Repeat it, repeat it, repeat it, repeat it…infinitum. Statistics suggest we spend 40 minutes or so per day on laundry-related tasks. And I don’t have extra stats to back this up, but I’d estimate you add about three more hours per day per child. I raised a big bunch of kids, so go ahead and ask me how much I know about the infinity that is laundry. Because I know loads about it. Loads and loads. Of all the lovely feelings, knowing you washed that last … [Read more...]
Center … and center peace
Is there anything I enjoy more than a good meal? Not much. I think that’s why I don’t cook much. I guess that’s also why I love, love, love whoever it was who came up with that most marvelous and miraculous invention: the frozen dinner. That genius has likely saved a lot of lives around my house through the years. Thanks, freezy-friend. Everyone talks about those fancy ice sculptures as table centerpieces. But for me? A frozen family-sized lasagna is the real thing of beauty. Thaw it and … [Read more...]
Drawing near to God
“You know what it is, right?” It was years ago when my son handed me his drawing and asked me that question. And may I say, I handled it like a real pro. Actually no. I may not say that. Because I froze. Froze like a total mom-sicle. I couldn’t lie. But what kind of mom-monster crushes her little boy’s artist heart? Got. To. Figure. Out. What. This. Is. Nervous smile. Then, “Um, heh heh, well that part is definitely a Christmas tree.” That much had to be right. I knew I’d have to wildly … [Read more...]
Living unhaunted
Have you ever opened your microwave to reheat a cup of coffee, only to find you really don’t want to put it in there? It’s like the ghosts of dinners past haunt that little space from all sides. And don’t even get me started on the spaghetti sauce stalactites hanging from the top. At least I hope it’s spaghetti sauce. Because otherwise, what I found inside my microwave a few days ago was a tiny little murder scene. A murder scene is even worse than a haunting. Also guess who didn’t put her … [Read more...]
Listening as easy as pie
Do you ever hear somebody say, “to make a long story short,” and you suddenly understand you’ll probably need to cancel your plans for the rest of the day? I realize I’m not one to poke fun at long stories or the people who tell them. Because this gal? Yeah, I often refer to myself as “over-word-ly.” Ironically, there are some of us on the “over” side of “wordly” who can still find it rough to listen to any monologue longer than three minutes. Especially if there are no visual aids. If … [Read more...]
Delight for the Takety-Take-Taking
I feel you should know that if you hand me a tennis racket, it’s already a pretend guitar. And though I’m not a hard-rocker, my pretend guitar only plays imaginary hard rock. No matter how incongruent that looks on me, I will play it. With eyes-closed and unmerited confidence. I won’t play tennis, mind you. But I have no choice but to rock that racketar like I’ve never in my life been a mature adult. It’s sort of a visual joke. And yes, I do know the joke doesn’t totally work. But somehow … [Read more...]
A-MAZE-ing Grace
I think about 87% of my shopping at a couple of my fave department stores happens in the maze of a checkout line. Through the labyrinth, the marketing geniuses who came up with this merch-maze lure me left and entice me right. They all but twirl me and whirl me through what must be three miles of displays and shelves, all full of every magical item I never knew I needed but suddenly realize I can’t, no cannot, make it to the register without. Cannot make it through life without. Recently … [Read more...]
New life – sans baggage
A gift bag full of gift bags. I have that. A Walmart bag full of Walmart bags. Got that too. That extra big tote bag in my closet? Do I even need to tell you that I filled it with a bunch more tote bags? I’m kind of a bag lady. This is anything but a bag-brag, because I do understand that when it comes to storage, what I really probably need is a better bag of tricks. I would say I don’t want to be left holding the bag, but it seems I kind of do. And I’m going to put other bags in that … [Read more...]
Picture perfect Christmas
You better not pout, I’m telling you why. Because somebody will snap a pic and post it on social media and you’ll have to live with that face forever. And ever. That’s why I try not to show my seasonal angst. And still…every time. Every time I look awful, I run into my most together friend. HER. That altogether all together friend. I try not to let it, but it surely can make me cranky. And angsty. Crangsty. One time when I looked my absolute worst, I saw HER at Target. Her hair was … [Read more...]
Turn over the work attitude
Hear me out. A blanket fort. Only instead of blankets, puff pastry. Slumber party—and in the morning? Turnovers! I’d work on that fort. I came up with this idea while pondering whether there is anything in the world that would not be better with puff pastry on top of it. Or under it. Or wrapped all around it. Turnovers have to be the best puff pastry application ever. A turnover is like a pie…that you don’t have to share. All wrapped up in flakey layers. How brilliant. Incidentally, I can … [Read more...]
Merry-go-roundabout
What do we even call it? Traffic circle? Roundabout? Rotary? Road circle? Rotunda? Road-tunda? OK yeah, I made up that last one. The other day I got a little trapped in one of those whatchamacallits. While I say “one,” it was really more like a dozen. One traffic circle took me straight into another traffic circle, then smack-dab into another. Circles on circles on circles. When I finally made it out, I forgot where I was going. Plus I was dizzy. And slightly out of merry. Have you ever … [Read more...]
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